gosh thinking of it now, this attitude i had towards posting on this blog basically sums up my attitude towards np for this year. once we took over last year, i started off very motivated, wanting to do many things and wanting to improve many things. however, over the course of events during this year i found myself slowly losing the motivation. i think that incident totally switched me off, not that im blaming that incident totally for my losing interest, but i have to say that incident totally shattered whatever i had left for np and made me so demoralised. tbh, i was never a really enthusiastic cadet who loved np alot so it took very little for me to lose my interest. true, i've done whatever my posts require me to do, but honestly, it seemed more of an obligation to me rather than something i enjoy and love to do.

i will not deny that i've spent alot of time complaining and begrudging the many things that i have to do, i will not act as if i have been a really good and outstanding unit head who has led the unit to greater heights, because i feel that the unit's standard has slipped under us. personally, i am also not some awe-inspiring person who can motivate the whole unit into loving nynp more because it seemed that i lacked the passion myself too.

truthfully, i really regret wasting my time in nynp away this year with this kind of attitude. thinking about it now, maybe i did have passion afterall for me to last through 4 years, especially last through this year. srsly, i never realised how much i loved nynp and the unit only until after pop was over. it was only when i started thinking of how big the space vacated by nynp is in my life that i realised, np was indeed something important in my life. things that have been my routine for the past 4 years are now suddenly gone, and this is something that i would not be able to get used to in the next few weeks. i guess whatever i had for nynp was still there deep down, just that i only realised it now. bottom line is: cadets should enjoy and treasure whatever time they have left in the unit to avoid being filled with regrets like me now. ma'ams have said the same thing before when they popped, but you know you'll never really be able to understand until you've gone through the same thing too.

well, now that im done with my personal reflections, i can move on to other aspects of my np life.

squadmates: like our pop perf ending message, this year has indeed been a roller coaster ride for us where we had alot of conflicts and unhappiness amongst us. however, i am glad we've put them away and i seriously hope that we'll continue our friendship/squadmateship for as long as possible. as what zhiying ma'am said :"Squadmates will be your best friends in life.", so let's continue to have fun tgt and have long talks tgt ok? all those moments with you all have been really fun, and i think being a small squad has really bonded us alot. ern tian, thank you for being so high and siao zha bor-ish, for spazzing over snsd with me, even though i say yoonyul is still better than tiffany hahahahaa, for all those random high moments we have in act, like when we wrestled on the ground for the "magical toadstool spot" and your "pixies are peace-loving" rubbish etc etc. hui peng, thank you for always being our squad's sacrificial lamb, haha you always get sabo-ed for all the bo liao stuff like dancing, spokesperson yadayada. though tbh you are quite annoying when you become too ma'am-ish, thank you for all the fun moments we had tgt, like rmb our rubbish bag "baby" during our 4-person cip haha! tsn, haha you have become so cute and crazy lately! anyway, thank you highing with me during act sometimes, and for "playing" with me random bo liao games, but hor, how come you always like to laugh at me and make fun of me huh!?!?!?!?!? like the "only cause i trust you" thing! anyway, being in batch 42 tgt with you 3 has been awesome overload-ness and no words i say i ever be enough to express my gratitude at being in a squad with you 3!

43: ahhh 43 i really do feel very apologetic to them. cos our squad is so small in size, 43 has been forced to do alot of things that our squad should be doing. i know that all of you are very busy and very tired from all the np commitments you have, on top of school work and others, but i really really thank you for willing to sacrifice for the unit. in the coming year ahead, i hope you all will continue to keep up the good work and leave a legacy behind! hang on for another year or so even if you are really tired and want to give up, and make your last year your best year in nynp!

44: tbh, im not really that close to 44 cos i've hardly been with them for any acts, but anyway, as leading cadets, i hope you all will do your best to assist 43 in the unit's matters, as well as mature more in the coming years. do stay as a close-knitted squad, as your squadmates' support will be very important in the future. though you all may not be as small as our squad, your are still comparatively smaller than other squads, so do help each other out in times of need!

45: srsly, 45 is a really cute squad. but sometimes, i think you all just need to have a better sense of discipline. next year, your will become ma'ams to 46, so please try to take better care of how you all carry yourselves as sec 2 cadets, and give 46 a good impression. your will no longer be the youngest in the unit, so do help 44 and 43 in the unit's matters!

ok srsly, i do have alot more to say, but i realise that this post is like damn damn long, and i have been writing for the past half hour or so when i should be doing some hw instead, so i'll leave my remaining words for another post, which i will post pretty soon, if i can get myself around to doing it haha.

gosh reading our blog's archives made me realise how much we have all matured in terms of our writing!

bye.

sjx