ohmygod. but still :')

ohmygod i really really am starting to miss NP already. and you guys. why does it feel like it has been eternity since i last met you guys? maybe cos it's tuesday.

i'm not good at words, pardon me. i can't really express what i'm feeling now but... aww i love you guys. i guess all of us were never really expressive and we didn't like to open our hearts to anyone, even squadmates. and we were always so defensive, never hugging, never saying 'i love you', never holding hands or whatever. i know, eew right. but that's what other squads do. but we're different. always have been. even our way of showing our love to each other is different.

these 4 years. have been crazy. bad- crazy, good- crazy... seriously, reading all that, it's like reading a storybook of our np life. bubble tea sessions, 4 man CIP, ern tian's home-based factory, bird feeding session, our embarassing sec one performance, hiding in the np room, talking in the np room (complaining to be more specific hahah), waaah-ing at shu ning's boots, boo-ing at shu ning's beret, whoever and jie xi fighting for the mirror, unfairly allocated spaces in np room, emo-ing during Graces, CIs and officers asking us where are our other squadmates, our imaginary 30 squadmates in the toilet etc, the first time we cried together and so much more. i just can't think of it at the moment. i feel overwhelmed oh gosh.

yet i somehow acknowledge that i did try my best and i tried really hard this year. especially this year. i dont think i did exceptionally well compared to others but i know i gave my all, at least 90%... i guess maybe it's just me being ego or something. but i really think i gave my all this year. i really tried. and i guess i'm proud of myself. i would say it's even worthy of a pat on the back.

PERSONAL REFLECTION:

i know i know. you guys hate it when i'm ma'am-ish. but i've never really understood why:/ isn't it a good thing to be strict and scold them when necessary? and that sometimes i'm like bossy or try to dominate everything. i know i do that, and i know you guys hate it, so sorry! and... that i'm really insensitive. that i am definitely aware of. actually i do notice sometimes but silly me thinks it would be better to act like a cold- hearted beast and seem nonchalant. which is obviously wrong and quite hurtful for others. so i'm sorry! really.

DEDICATION:

ma'ams- i know i was like super high and enthu in sec 1 but somehow everything just went downhill after that. i'm sorry for being weak and stupid and slow and passive and stone and quiet and overall an annoying cadet. i regret not putting in my 100% effort during those years. and i'm really sorry ma'ams. for disappointing you. but nevertheless, thank you so much for playing such a big part in my np- related memories. thank you for teaching me things i never thought could be taught(and that's not just drills and cc). thank you ma'ams, for everything.

squadmates- you toots. always making me laugh or cry. throughout these 4 years, we've stuck through thick and thin just like i said we would. in sec 1 remember, aiya just need to ren3 three more years. and here we are. beaten and bruised, but still alive. and triumphant. we've done it. and regardless of what you think, we've done it well. we're always using the 4 person thing as an excuse but that really shouldn't be the case. just because we are a 4 man squad, we must fight even harder and better to show that we can be as good or better than other squads. we shouldn't use that as an easy excuse but a motivation, a driving force. but what's the use of saying this anyway. it's all over already.

si ern tian: i guess being classmates really brought us closer. i was really worried being classmates with you, cos my impression of you was some crazy annoying siaozhabor. and after 1.5 years, my suspicions have been confirmed. you are a crazy annoying siaozhabor. but miraculously, i have learnt to accept it and i'll probably even miss it if you become some serious mugger person. can't believe i'm saying this but yes. you and your stupid peace- loving pixie and minhyuk and tiffany. but thank you so much. i know you really really love np a lot and i admire you for that, esp the npap thing. but sometimes even though you love np, you're too much of a lazybum. -.- and just aiya! nehmind lah!

tsn: i think you changed the most out of our whole squad. you suddenly unleashed your madness and your mad- pervertic smile and laughter. and your crazy tribal stomping dances. i still remember the shinee thing. aiyo we were really very stupid. but anyway. i really admire you somtimes. you're like a silent worker or something. you're really efficient and organised and good at spotting mistakes. you would be a great func head too. except you dont like to talk to strangers. but you're great the way you are. of course, i have bushuanged all of yall at least once in this 4 years but overall you're an awesome person! i mean it.

seow jie xi: laoda! you and your smurf village tsk tsk. but you're really efficient and organised as well. and GOOD AT QUIZ. grr. but i think you're damn smart and that's something i only can hope for. so treasure your brains lol. crazy unglam woman. always wanting us to take "candid" shots of you. chh. and always trying to show off your beret or muscles-.- or autosol LOL. crazy one eh you. hai but although you seem strong on the outside, i realise you're actually quite sensitive and soft(?!). like a durian lol. so sorry i know i'm always being irritating and insensitive and breaking the 4 rules lol.

43: thank you so much. you've done so much for the unit. and even had to share our burden. i hope you dont resent us for that! thank you for the amazing POP and the beautiful memories you contributed. i especially like the little booklet thing. it's quite a big boost to my ego hahaha. :P and the dreamcatcher. :) silly crazy 43. i'll miss you guys! jiayou for nco- ship! lead nynp to heights we never dreamt of reaching. i believe in you guys.

44: where do i start? i am really really really really glad i managed to get what i want and i am really really really grateful for the opportunity to spend my last year of np with you crazy little kids. i was really touched by the birthday thing. i thought you all forgot or didnt care. (omg why am i tearing) and i'm so sad our last act was wasted(not really, just not very significant and remembered 0.0) but it's okay! every act was a spectacular blend of fun, crazy, random, tiring, angry, sad feelings. i love you guys! (did i say that before?) i have seen all of you grow so much, through your own efforts, and as i said it was nice that i could witness that firsthand. i hope you guys will grow into outstanding cadet leaders, outstanding people even outside of np. i will always treasure the silly conversations yall have(that somehow always leave me out-.-) and the inappropriate comments yall make at inappropriate times and the time we did forfeits during knots and lashings. keep the love for nynp and your squadmates and maybe save some for me? hahaha stay cute and silly and scandalous and pervertic and crazy and stalkerish and lovable(aww) :D i love your little miss whatever it is. it's currently socialising with my mr whatever it is that ern tian gave me, on my bed. and the dubious cookies. and the sugar-.- which is with ern tian. and remember, when in doubt, use the safety pin!

45: aiyo 45 very cute leh. or maybe it's just cos you're sec ones hahaha. thank you for all the rouma things that you wrote for us. and the 习字- like notes haha( i heart hui peng ma'am x infinity) it must have took you guys quite a while to do that. really appreciate it thank you so so much! i hope you'll ignite the passion in you and learn to love np like we did. put in your utmost effort in whatever you do, jiayou!

we're nearing the end. gosh, feels like i wrote a lot! my life has been like a bag of potato chips, and nynp is like the air, which takes up maybe 80% of the bag. just kidding! but really, nynp has been such a major chunk of my life, i think i'll find it hard to just detach myself from it. i guess i never will and that nynp will stay with me for life, a creeping beautiful memory within the depths of my mind. i love all of you. i love you, batch 42. i love you, nynp.

:')